Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Everybody has their days...

So, I awoke this morning with some mixed feelings, you know the kind- the ones that keep you up all nite.  Have you ever had one of those kind of nites where your mind is racing with not exactly worries... but, just emotions and feelings and you begin to have the feeling you don't know exactly what to feel anymore?

I mean... just the day before I knew exactly how I felt.  I felt so sure about everything, I began to say to myself, "Yeah, this is it.  This is right and its good and I know because it just feels so right." 

Just the day before everything felt so perfect... so complete... and then... out of the blue-- I mean literally out of no where comes this big dark cloud.  With the big dark cloud comes a little drizzle of rain, then after the little drizzle of rain comes a little lightning... then comes the big thunder and it start pouring down raining on your life like hell.

I'm the type of person who always like to be in control of everything... I mean I have to really have a grip of every situation that even remotely tries to start spiraling downward.  So, I'm going, "Okay... grasps your emotions first, don't let your emotions get out of control... maintain... focus... breath."

All the while, I'm trying not to allow my thinking processes to begin the assumption mode, this is very hard to do sometimes, being that I am a very analytical thinker and I break down all situations that abruptly occur into compartments of psychological theories... I mean, I really analyze the whole scenario to try and come to some form of a very logical explanation of the matter.

But, as we all know... sometimes there are no logical explanations for certain occurrences in our lives... it just happens to be one of life's hard blows. So then, after I gained control of my thoughts in the matter, I realized I'd better just sleep on it (just let my emotions remain calm as much as possible), I'll deal with it when I wake up, I don't even want to deal with this right now.

There I was, lying in my bed... thoughts racing, heart pounding (I mean loudly too), really my heart was beating so hard and I had this horrible feeling in my emotions... I swear I just wanted it to go away. 

I can't even begin to describe what it felt like, it was like my heart was being squeezed to death and it was trying to pump while it was being squeezed so tightly and the aching of it was mostly a feeling of being totally lost... like you have no idea where in the world you belong anymore.

My mind began to race... and of course, I couldn't sleep a wink.  There I was tossing and turning... finally I fell asleep. 

But, that morning when I awoke... I had this feeling where I couldn't even talk.  I couldn't even open my mouth to eat, nor did I feel there was a reason to get out of bed.  I was having those 'everybody has their day', day.

Now, when your having a 'everybody has their day' day, if you have family and have to be at work... you really have to pull this off in front of everyone like, everything is "sooo" fine and good and wonderful... just "peachy"... all smiles.

All the while, you don't feel like being bothered with no one, nor do you want to do anything for anyone, nor do you want to even talk to anyone... its like, just leave me alone... I really need to think.

How can you be having a 'everybody has their day' day and still function normally?  I don't know, all I know is I felt like crap and I wanted to stay in the bed and pull the covers over my head and wake up the next day and the rain storm had ceased and it all blew over.

Yet, it was there... the mixed emotions, the lost feelings, "the I can't believe this is going down like this."  All the while my kids need my attention and time... they'er asking me questions and my mind is not even there... I'm just not there... I mean, my body was there, but my mind was totally somewhere else.  I could hear them talking, but I had no clue what they were saying.

I had it bad that day.  All I know was, I had to snap out of it and gain control of my day.  I couldn't allow my 'everybody has their day' day to take over my entire mood. 

It was a struggle because I had no one to physically talk to about how I was feeling... I had to talk to God about it, which I did the nite before when I couldn't sleep... yet, I was still having a difficult day, trying to put everything into perspective, gain clear insight and upon that, make decisions of how I really need to deal with the matter.

Eventually, I pulled my thoughts together and began to think optimistically.  I began to encourage myself with all the positive reasons I need to feel better that day.  In that moment, I began to feel strengthened and found energy to get up and begin my day... it was late in the afternoon (good thing it was a Saturday), but I arose and began to move.

I still didn't feel any better right away, in fact, I felt melancholy through most of the day.  But I pressed on throughout the day and I realized I was really having one of those days... I don't have them often, I'm- for the most part, a very happy person who really wakes up happy everyday.  But, then I guess, everybody has their days.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Check out my freelancer page! feel free to share it with others :)

Check out my freelancer page! feel free to share it with others :): A student of Walden University, second year undergrad in the Political Science and Public Administration Law and Legal Studies, in preparation for entrance into Law School, also a uniquely creative freelance writer.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

The Train Ride to Love

The day could not have been more excited as she thought of her preperations for the trip.  It was now 4:30 pm and she had had most of her packing done the day before.  "Angel are you ready for this special trip you are taking to see Paris?",  Lala asked.  "Yes, I am so nervous though Lala.  This is our first time meeting and I keep thinking what I will say to him when our eyes meet."  "Well, said Lala, I'm sure everything will happen very naturally and beautifully when you both see each other, just enjoy the moment and the words will speak for themselves."  "I'm sure your right, said Angel.  I'll see you in a week then, I may call you during my train ride there." Angel and Lala hugged each other very gently and Angel drove away in her car looking at the soft snow flakes falling down on her window shield she turned on her cd player as soft jazz began to play.  Angel smiled within herself as she thought of what she was going to where on her train ride to see her love for the first time.

The weather was slightly chilling for a February winter day.  As the sun shined so clearly through the white clouds Angel thought of finally meeting her love for the first time.  They had met over the phone through a close friend at Angel's church.  Paris was a single very successful young man with no children and he had never been married before.  He attended church regularly and was a devout christian man.  A sister in the church was related to him and thought he and Angel would make good friends.  Angel was a single young christian lady who was a christian writer and successful with her first book.  Arriving home with only a few hours before her train would depart from the train station, Angel immediately showered and changed into her clothes she felt would be comfortable for the trip.  She was a very shaply young woman, and tall.  She put on her brown boots to match her slinder brown tweeded wool skirt and finished packing the rest of her cosmetics in her carrying bag.

She thought how Paris would look into her eyes for the first time.  Would he see the true love she had been holding in her heart for him through the whole year they had been conversing over the phone.   The drive to the train station was so romantic to Angel as she listened to the soft jazz music in her car.  Arriving on time at the train station, Paris texted Angel on her cell phone asking her was everything going okay.  Angel texted him back letting Paris know that she was boarding the train and would be thinking of him through the whole trip. 

Saturday, April 16, 2011

And We Will Grow Together: Shall We

And We Will Grow Together: Shall We: "Shall we laugh, sing, dance, and cry together... Go for walkz, in the sunlight and under moolit nite... in lovely weather... When I'm feeli..."

Friday, April 15, 2011

And We Will Grow Together: Shall We

And We Will Grow Together: Shall We: "Shall we laugh, sing, dance, and cry together... Go for walkz, in the sunlight and under moolit nite... in lovely weather... When I'm feeli..."

Shall We

Shall we laugh, sing, dance, and cry together...
Go for walkz, in the sunlight and under moolit
nite... in lovely weather...

When I'm feeling down, will you understand
til feel better...
Grant me a warm smile, a gentle hug and tickle
me with loves featherz...

Walk a thousand milez, help me carry a heavy
load... my true friend...
Nurse me back to health, give me strenghth,
go all the way with me at any lenghth...

When I stumble... help me up... give me
courage to rise back up... 
And when my heart aches, with a longing...
love me truly... tell me I belong and
You'll stay with me until the end...

Shall we... My Lovely Friend...